| I'd rather sink than swim |
[May. 23rd, 2004|03:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bayside - talking of michaelangelo | ] |
Okay so I haven't updated in like a month, oh well. Nothings really been going down, just the usual : wake up, go to school (hardly), go to work, smoke.
I got really sick last weekend cause I was hanging out with my sister who was sick. We smoked like 10 times between Friday & Sunday so it's really not surprising that I got sick. I was punished for 2 weeks too. Apparently I have a ``bad atitude`` & my parents are lame.
Tuesday was the highlight of my week. Mrs.B was on the BC trip with the seniors so Shanne, Danielle, & I went to Manasquan & chillaxed on the beach. It was sooo much fun. Danielle is hella cool to hang out with. The whole ride down there we were trying to un-jam Shannen's cd player cause some asshole, who shall remain nameless (lmao), put in a cd while another was still in here. It was no use. We stopped at the infamous Acme to pee. Everyone who goes to the beach with us has to stop @ acme. I was hoping we'd see ``David`` from Roseanne again, but sadly we did not. That was too funnay. Danielle stole a sticker from the ghetto bathroom that said ``Please turn faucet off when not in use`` with a lightbulb under it...lmao cause that makes sense. I'll scan it & post it later so I can give it back to Shannen to display in her car.
Thursday me, shannen, sabrina & pj were supposed to smoke, but ya know you can't count on PJ not to back out of plans. She didn't smoke so it was just me, shan, & sabs then we went to go get my nails did. They're robin's egg blue with white stars...hott shit. Friday I was supposed to chill with PJ & her friends but then something happened so I was stuck at home. Like the idiot that I am, I was crying cause, well, she never goes through with plans to hang out with me & is always able to hang out with maryanne, anto, & whoever else. She promised me that we'd hang out last night & then when she didnt know what was going on told me ``Well if I get home at like 10:30 or something I'll call you`` FUCK THAT. I started crying like a jackass again so I decided to text her.
``so what your saying is your going to go out & do whatever & if I'm lucky & you get home early enough then we can hangout? Fuck that I passed up plans for you last night & tonight only to be blown off AGAIN by you. I'm done being your fall back go have fun with your new friends & just forget I even exsist it won't be too hard for you``
After she got it she called me twice & I just rejected the calls. I was not about to talk to her. if she really cared her ass would be at my door, but she doesn't & it wasn't. Should I be surprised? No, of course not. I fucking hate people & so called ``friends``
Another promise made another promise broken
I can't pretend it doesnt hurt this time |
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| searching for a cure of the pain |
[May. 3rd, 2004|08:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | boys night out ♪ hold on tightly, let go lightly | ] |
Livejournal just ate my update & now I'm 10x more annoyed than I was. Thanks a lot, now I know why I use Greatestjournal...
So yeah I fucking hate everyone & everything...work, school, people, & waking up. I went home early Friday & Today because I just can't be there anymore. It's like torture and I can't sit there. When I came home today I watched a little tv & fell asleep only to wake up at 2:30. Sleeping only made me feel worse so I called out of work & Tisa was like ``Okay...well what happened Saturday?`` & I was like ``What? I was in on Saturday..I worked 12-8.`` & she was like ``Oh...for some reason I thought you didn't come in, I don't know why I thought that..`` Hmmm, maybe it's because you're a fucking asshole? That might just be it. So after I hung up I watched Queen of the Damned with my sister...I love that movie.
I just want to quit. I fucking hate everything about tat shithole except for the money, Molly, & Edna. Shannen called me at 8 to tell me that Tisa was complaining about me to Evalene, saying I called out twice since she's hired me. Hm, how bout no? I only did once. The other time I called to tell her me & Monika were switching days because she had detention & I did work for her that Tuesday so she needs to check her facts. Then she told me that Paula, a lady who works in payroll with Shannen's mom, asked her mom if I was ``sneaky`` because I didn't look her in the eyes or say hi to her. WTF!?! It was the first time I saw the woman since I started working there & I looked at her & smiled. What the fuck did she want me to do, throw a fucking parade & sing ``Hello, Paula, how are you today-ay?`` Fuck that. The woman's like 50..she needs to grow the fuck up. Oh boo-hoo a 16 year old didn't look me in the eyes or say ``hi``,I'm going to go cry about it now. Give me a fucking break. All the people who work there are petty, immature pieces of shit and I'm two seconds away from quitting tomorrow.
Yesterday morning my mom got under my skin. Elaine called me jsut as I woke up & asked me if I could go into work & I was like ``I'm sorry, I can't I have plans or else I would`` my ass, & after I hung up my mom was like ``Why didn't you go in? It's money.`` I looked at her like she had 20 heads & my dad was like ``It's her day off, let her do what she wants..`` & then she started pissing me off & I freaked out & that's when the fighting started. I was in my room crying & she was out in the hall bitching about me to the rest of the house. ``She's fucked up, she's getting off of that medicine & dealing with life like a normal person.`` Let me tell you, it hurts more when someone says you're fucked up then when you say it about yourself. I've dealt with life like a ``normal person`` for the 6 or so years I've been fucking depressed, but I guess that's not good enough...then again when is anything I do good enough?
Man, I need to roll my self a nice joint & just bake out my garage so I can calm down. |
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| This is really long... |
[Apr. 29th, 2004|07:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Punchline ♪ Fall A Little Harder | ] |
Well, it's about time I wrote in this, so yeah...
Tuesday everyone was on the Beauty Culture trip except for me & Shannen so Ms. B said we should just stay over in west & we did. We had a stoge with Christina 9th period & then went to 10th lunch for like 5 minutes before going to the library and sitting in there til 11th. We got a cigg & smoked it outside by the parenting rooms, went back inside walked around for a longgggg time and then went back out for another stoge and then went home. Only I missed my bus so my dad had to pick me up, he was cool about it. After school we got some shit & picked up Natalie & smoked in my backyard out of the mexican pipe, aye papi. Nicole called and we remembered we had to pick her up & went and got her & then went to Cheesequake park. Let's just say I am not nature girl & turned back on the trail & had to walk back by myself. I tried to hop around the mudd onto these wooden steps thing & I slipped & had mudd all over my knee & left thigh. It sucked & I felt so gross and dirty, coughgermaphobiccough. Thank god those assholes left the doors opened or I think I would have hide in the woods until I saw them. I sat in the car for like 15 minutes before they came strolling out of the woods because Shannen had to go home. I was pissed that they just fucking let me go by myself & when I got home I was fighting with my mom about adult high school cause I have absolutely no desire to be in obhs any more. She was a bitch & I went to my room and fell asleep @ 8 and didn't wake up until 6 the next morning.
( Why I stayed home yesterday )
Molly (old lady at the nursing home)'s husband Mike died Monday night & she found out yesterday but she didn't remember & that broke my heart. She's such a cutie & he was too. She gave me two kisses on the cheek & told me ``God Bless You`` about 7 times. I love her, she is too sweet. I was like ``MOLLY, MOLLY!`` & she went ``HUNNY, HUNNY!`` & did her little ``sexy`` prance. It was too funny. Then there's Edna, the munchin from the Wizard Of Oz, she is my favorite. She's saucy & it's adorable because she's tiny. I was making Lee laugh last night in the dining room making fun of Rose Margolis. He's too cute. He's got a raspy voice from smoking & he's gay & he's just great. I told him I'm going to guard his chair with my life tomorrow or else Rose'll steal it for her ``daughter`` who hasn't visited in like 20 years jsut so she can put her shit on it, bitch. Yeah, workign there isn't too bad, it's actually kind of fun. Bev told me about the conceptións, terrorists who try to steal Summerhill's money (it's not true, she's whacked out). It was interesting.
Today was dreadful, it felt too much like Friday & that depresses me cause it's Thursday. We talked about ``doin' doobies`` in bio today, lmao Mr. Seb is so square. During 2nd period me & Alexis went out for a stoge & Sabrina & Shannen were out there having one. All four of us wound up staying there the whole time & two teachers came outside & asked us what we were doing but didn't write us up, thank god. Alexis was going to take me to get my tounge pierced Saturday but I remebered I work Saturdays now, 12-8 blahh. Shoot me, that's too long. We had to do up-dos in BC today & I half assed mine & it looked like shit, surprise! I hate going to that class. After school me & Shan got a bag & drove around. She let me drive around Country Place for like a half hour. It was cool & I did really good, but I saw my driving instructor and he gave me a weird look & I had to pass him like 5 times. We smoked & then went on the swings for a bit before he had cigarettes & left...then I came home to see Amanda, John, & Pj going out. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't offended me, cause it did. They didn't even call me to see what I was doing, then again they never do & never did when we were kids...why should I even bother caring? I fucking hate people. |
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